Q: A few months ago my sex drive just became nonexistent. I used to easily become aroused with my fiancй. Now, even when we are in the middle of the act, I can't reach full arousal. We have both tried different things to awake the passion in me again, to no avail. How can I get the old feelings back?
A: Uh oh! It sounds like you turned into a scaredy cat overnight. Believe it or not perhaps what's frightening you is your impending wedding. I think your problem is about intimacy rather than sex, despite how it may appear.
One of the objectives of a long-term commitment is to strengthen and intensify passion, but for many people, the exact opposite happens. A sudden rush of fear can cool down your engine before you even know what hit you.
This happens because once you say "yes, I will marry you," you're a heartbeat away from "I do." Suddenly all the concerns that go hand in-hand with big decisions find their way to the surface. This can be a daunting challenge for many people, especially if they believed that getting engaged would lay all their doubts to rest. In fact, it often unleashes even more anxiety, like "Am I making the right choice? Am I really in love with this person? Do I have the passion to go the distance and last a lifetime?"
All those questions and worries can quickly douse the flames of desire. I suggest that you try and get in touch with whatever uncertainties you might have about getting married. Make a list of the things that scare you or make you feel uneasy. Once you identify your concerns, share them with your partner. Sometimes just saying them out loud will help to put them into perspective.
Keep in mind that having a case of cold feet doesn't mean he's not the one for you. Everyone experiences anxiety when they make a big decision. My hunch is that once you make room for some of your fear, the old flames of passion will start to heat up again.
